Tuesday, 8 July 2014


I don't like the way she's looking at me. I can feel her judging eyes piercing through my being to stare at all my flaws. I know she's going to go home and laugh with all her friends about what a fool I am. Her eyebrows are raised in high arches looking at me with disgust and wondering how a creature like me survives on this planet. I can see the bitterness and anger lurking behind the gazes she is giving me but she is quick to hide her vulnerability behind her dagger stare. I can feel her unhappiness from far away and yet I am scared of her.

She looks like she wants to walk toward me. I can feel the hesitation in her shifty movement. She stops twitching and continues to stare with no qualms. She doesn't care that judging someone like that may come off as rude. As she stares at me I stare back. I am drawn to her. The more she stares at me trying to decipher my story, the more I want to know hers. 

I feel uncomfortable. Her eyes are so similar to mine and yet so different. I can feel her frustration and confusion at the world and I feel like she can feel mine. I push back tears reliving memories in my mind and I see her lift her hand to her eye. Can she hear me? Is this as weird for her as it is for me?

We stand there for a while. Staring. Its seems like the world around us has ceased to exist and in time there is only her and me. I feel sympathy at the person she's become. I hate the world for making her like that. I don't like the way she has been taken advantage of. I can sense her strength from where I'm standing but I can see she has given in to her weakness. I recognise her in me and me in her and yet there is this distinction. 

I want to talk to her but I'm scared. Her emptiness might be contagious. Has she built these walls around her to protect herself from the cruel world or has she put them up in anger? I want to help. I want to hold her hand and bring her to my side but she is too caught up in the acceptance her world has suddenly given her that she can't see me anymore.

I want to turn away. I feel haunted by her. And yet I am stuck. Stuck staring and judging her. Maybe I will go home and laugh about her with my friends. Will I? I am lost in her. I can feel myself starting to break. I want that acceptance she has. I want that confidence she has. But I can't lose my essence. 

She is me. I am her. I just want this mirror to shatter. 

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