I didn't mean to end up here. The path to this old door was so inviting. As hard as I tried, I couldn't resist. Voices and forces pulled my weight into the dimly lit curious corridor. I tried to keep my feet firm on the ground, but I found myself lifted and moving forward.
There are no people around me. Just a cold damp darkness and the longing to find the glow and shimmering light. The stone walls are bare, blank like canvas craving artistic strokes. My hand trembles while my mind works at a lightning fast speed. The intensity of the energy is too much to handle and it may drive me to insanity.
I turn, looking for an escape. There isn't even a crack around me. The door I walked in through has vanished. I'm lost. Stuck in this stone covered aura. Blocked from the world outside. There isn't a decibel of noise, nor a glimmer of hope. All the movement is restricted to my fearful trembling.
I'm stuck. The thought keeps overlapping all others. My mind is scared, but my body stands still unable to grasp the position I've found myself in. The cold wind is trying to tell me something. The silence is so unsettling I can't concentrate on its tones. I strain my ears, my mind and whatever part of me still functions. I can't. There's too much happening and yet its all still.
The blankness stares at me. Strong and bold. All knowing that I can't take its intense glare. It looks me in the eye, laughing feeling superior and I feel like a empty paint tube lying discarded on the floor.
I know there is a looming greyness over me, I struggle to find the colours. The darkness creeps into me and as I struggle to find the strength to fight it I feel my knees giving in below me. My weight seems too much to handle and I fall to the ground.
The cold hard floor sinks its sensation into me numbing any of my own. I sit there numb and trapped. Stuck in a world where I fail to see beyond the mist that fogs up my eyes. I feel my eyes bulging out in the hope of finding something that I know in my mind and heart exists but that which I cannot see. I let my beliefs get the best of me.
I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to yell. But the helplessness has caught my throat. I can feel myself choking on the silence around me. No sign of life, scaring me out of my skin. Goosebumps run up and down along with the shiver that chills through my back. I fall completely. My face hits the stone and I feel the cold surface take over the core of my being.
I lie there. Quiet. Shivering. Trembling. Hoping. Wishing. Waiting. No one finds me. What seems like days pass me by. I crave the warmth of familiar arms, the cackle of friendly laughter. Its lost somewhere in the silence. I am in another world. I close my eyes, a pitch black surrounds me. I let myself go.
I am lost. I am stuck.
Save me, I want to yell. I try screaming. Whispers leave my lips. I gather some strength and try again. A faint voice this time. I know no one can hear me. I wonder if anyone has noticed that I am missing. This thought scares me more, what if no one has. The minority of me that was attempting to hope, loses its battle to the majority of me that has given up.
No inking of optimism, I continue to lie on the cold ground. I look up. The blank canvas still stares at me. I find myself at war with my mind again. I feel my fingers at my side itching to move and my brain restricting that very function.
I stop and stare a while longer. I feel like I find strength in the emptiness. Time has taken the best of me. Fear has restricted me. The shiver has held me in its tight hold. And beyond all this I hope to be saved.
Save me. Hold me while I shiver. Laugh so to wipe my tears. Hold my hand through life till I find where I'm going. Push me so I stumble, and help me up when I hit the ground hard.
Teach me life. Teach me how to live.
Be.
Be with me.
Till I can be myself. Till I shed my cover. Till I break away from this cave I'm stuck in. Till I can hold you, not just in my heart, but in my arms.
I didn't mean to end up here. But I find myself closer to getting out.
