It's always about the plan. The constant question of 'What are you going to do next?'. You haven't even finished one thing and the world already wants to know what your next move is going to be. No one thinks life is easy. Its a tough battle but you'd think being happy should be the most important thing. But it's not. Having a plan is.
Its like a game where you have to plot three or four moves in advance. And god forbid should you change your course of action along the way. Or take an extra moment to figure out your next move. Waiting around trying to figure out what to do next is such a waste- you should know exactly what to do. In the unfortunate event you don't, watchers turn to look at you and gaze so burningly at you that you feel like you might just catch fire.
People always say that one learns from their mistakes. I think that part of the reason we make mistakes is because we're not allowed to think long enough about what we are doing. It's almost like a societal ritual- school, college, work, study some more, get married, have kids and then subject them to this same cycle. What if somewhere in the middle of these stages you decide that you want to do something different it's almost like you've wasted everything you've done before. Sure the world will be supportive and say 'You must pursue your dreams and do what makes you happy' but its a lie. A sugar coating to what is actually judgement on your decisions.
Every move you make is scrutinized and watched. Whether its a board game with friends or the choices you make in life. We as human beings are constantly planning and strategising. I actually feel like all our brains are just going to explode one day from all the pressure it takes. You can't be too emotional, you can't be too ignorant, you can't always be right and there's no way you can take a backseat and just let things happen for a while.
Sometimes I wonder if life is easier for those people who aren't allowed to make their own choices. Is being unhappy easier than constantly having to decide and have those choices watched and commented upon? Is being forced to live a certain way less pressure than making a mistake by choosing how you want your life to pan out? And is just being easier than dreaming?
I think people who have a plan are lucky. I used to be one of those people. I had a plan. But we don't account for change. I think people who can cope with change are even luckier. I know I can't. I try but I feel like everything is falling apart. I think people who are strong and independent are lucky. I'm starting to think I'm not.
The constant pressure to prove what and who you are is taxing. Its enough to drive someone insane. I wonder now if having a plan is easier. To always have an answer to the question of what you plan to do next. And what happens to those of us who don't know? Or better, what happens to those of us who had a plan and are now spinning broken compasses with no True North?
You need to have a plan. Life doesn't work if you don't. You are supposed to get a job when you graduate from college. And if you don't, you should know EXACTLY what you're doing. You can't be me, sitting around in my pajamas wondering what the hell is going on. That's not allowed.
The world doesn't work that way. You need a plan. And if you don't, you don't work in the world...
